So she dumped you. And she wants to stay friends. Sound good, doesn’t it? You get to still see her, talk to her, and exchange funny emails. Plus, if she sees enough of you, laughs with you, and hangs out with you long enough… she’ll eventually want you back as her boyfriend again. Right? Sure she will.
Women know right away – most of the time within five minutes of meeting you – whether or not they’ll ever date you. If so, you go right into her “romantic interests” category. If not, you’re chalked up as an acquaintance, or a friend. The line between these two categories is blurred in the movies… where friends often end up kissing and falling into bed together. But in the real world? Those lines are a lot more defined.
And if you already dated this girl, and she’s now your ex-girlfriend? The chances of you transitioning from friendship back to romance are almost zilch. Sure, you might still fall into bed together after one drunken night of hanging out… but sleeping with your ex casually from time to time hardly falls into the category of a real, long-term relationship. If what you’re looking for is to get your ex girlfriend back, you need to work toward achieving that goal.
So many guides will tell you that friendship is a path that leads back to your ex’s heart. Not true. Friendship clouds the relationship between you and your ex, creating a type of strange, awkward limbo from which you’re not allowed to touch her. Make one unrequited romantic gesture? Suddenly you’ve crossed the line – creating a situation that jeopardizes the friendship AND any future relationship you might have had with your ex. Worst of all, you put yourself into this position by agreeing, voluntarily, to be friends with your ex girlfriend after the break up.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself the question: “why does my ex girlfriend want to be friends with me?” Because friendship isn’t a natural relationship progression, it’s actually a type of demotion when you think about it. It’s like she’s saying “I like you, but not enough to really want to date you”. What makes you think she’ll change her mind? Are you waiting for her to date someone else, maybe fail, and then come back to you? Believe me, the jealousy will rip you apart.
No, your ex wants to be friends for a simple (and very selfish) reason: it’s comfortable for her. She gets all of the benefits of a relationship: the companionship, the fun, the hanging out, the talking… and none of the drawbacks such as remaining monogamous or having to answer to you on any level. It’s a perfect world for her, minus the sex. And sometimes? An ex who stays friends with you will even do that, making you further confused.
Instead of sitting around passively in a friendship type role, you need to work toward getting your ex girlfriend back. You just can’t do that from the position of friendship. There are methods and techniques you can use to win back her heart, but these methods falter when you try to launch them from a friendship standpoint. You need to accept and agree with her decision to break up, take a step back, and then draw out a step by step blueprint for getting back together again. It’s the only way to date your ex again, when she just wants to be friends.