Insecurity In Relationships – Do not Let Paranoia Ruin Your Marriage

Is it possible to end up in divorce court because of insecurity in relationships? I think it depends on the individuals but insecurity can either confirm suspicions or force a spouse to leave because of the craziness often times associated with insecurity in relationships.

Some folks are so insecure that they have a hard time relating to their spouse or others. It's possible for some to have a difficult time adjusting to the married life. Sure, the relationship may have been wonderful before the marriage but once the wedding takes place and commitments are made, insecurity in relationships can creep in.

There may be some past relationships where a person has been hurt that's causing insecurity in the marriage. Perhaps lingering memories of a difficult breakup in the past are fueling insecure feelings in the marriage. There may have been infidelity or even an ugly divorce in a previous relationship that's driving the insecurity.

You may find yourself or others who are insecure always trying to answer the "what if" questions;

  • What if I'm not able to meet all of his / her needs and expectations?
  • What if he / she finds someone else better than me?
  • What if my looks change will he / she no longer be attracted to me?

Sometimes it's a struggle for folks to believe that they are good enough for their spouse.

So with anxiety and fear constantly on their mind, their behavior becomes troublesome and puts stress on the marriage.

There are some who are consumed with making sure their spouse is happy and approves of the relationship. The insecure person may closely examine every word, facial expression, or act by their spouse and worry unnecessarily. Always wondering "is he / she unhappy with me"; or "why is he / she not smiling as much anymore" or "he / she must be leaving me because we have not been intimate in 2 weeks".

The problem with insecurity in relationships is that sometimes it's hard to see real issues that may need addressing because of the over-reaction to everything.

If you or your spouse is struggling with insecurity in your relationships here are some things you can do to make your marriage better;

  1. Stop trying to be a mind reader. Since you know there is a level of insecurity talk it out and create a safe environment for being able to ask the question. Instead of looking at something your spouse did or did not do and wondering "what if", ask him or her for sake of clarity why or what exactly was meant or done. Do not leave it up to your imagination to figure it out.
  2. Avoid comparing your marriage to others or perhaps past relationships. If you keep focusing on broken or failed relationships you will drive your current marriage there as well.
  3. Do not try to change your spouse to make you more secure. You should strengthen your relationship so that your insecurity does not cause you to want to control every word, action or place your spouse goes.

Insecurity in relationships can result in either the insecure person sabotaging the marriage out of fear and anxiety or simply creating a frustrating unhappy marriage.

Source by DP Haynes

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