An important aspect of being in a relationship is the ability to be part of a team. Anyone who has ever been married or been involved in a long term relationship knows what being a team player is like. Big decisions are understandably made together when things such as money, kids, or emotions are involved …. objects of importance that both parties have put into the mix. But often, even the most trivial of decisions are made between the couple and it feels quite natural to do so. It feels this way because we all want to be part of something greater than ourselves. It brings a sense of accomplishment and power and comfort to know that we are not always alone in our lives, dealing with the pressures of everyday living.
We experience this in other ways as well: the football team you played on when you were a kid, the family unit we grow up in, and even the corporate businesses we work for all give us a feeling of importance and the feeling of being accepted by others.
1 + 1 = something a lot bigger than 2.
In a relationship we are never just two persons. The sum of two people in love is something almost untouchable, where almost any situation can be dealt with easier and more quickly than it could all by ourselves. How is this possible? Our significant other is not necessarily smarter than you or I. We handle quite a lot of issues on our own with good results, do not we?
The answer lies in the emotional power of the union of two souls …. not just two brains. When we are in love with someone, that union of the souls creates a tangible force that we all can feel. We want to be part of someone else's universe. It's a sense of discovery, of safety, and of being the center of our lover's attention. Being in love, we create a reality quite different than we would create on our own. We've all been there … the Us and Them mentality:
* Us against the wife's irritating boss at work
* Us against the bully picking on our kid
* Us against the neighbor's dog barking all night
* Us against the tax office, the bad drivers, the politicians, and the gas prices.
* Us against the world.
In your relationship, how good a team player are you? Do you still feel that sense of Us and Them? Over time, some relationships can start to feel the strain of too much togetherness. One partner or the other begins to feel that they are losing their identity. It's usually when you feel that you can no longer count on your partner to "be there for me" that most people see that their relationships may have problems. Of course, everyone needs their space, but i'm talking about when we no longer feel that sense of enormity as a unit. With no longer a feeling of Us and Them, one or the other partner begins to take sides ….
The power of the union of souls is unwavering. It is not a variable that moves up and down like the temperature. The problem lies in one of the partners not feeling whole within themselves. For the team to function properly, both partners have to be whole individuals.
1/2 + 1 = problems.
There is a popular saying "there is no 'I' in the word team". But in a love relationship, in the union of souls, each "soul" has to be a complete, stable, and functioning entity. We have to enter into a relationship willingly with our individuality intact. Love can not work if we are half a person … looking for love to fill a personal void. How can we keep our individuality complete and intact while being asked to give everything to the team?