OK, everyone knows keeping true love alive is not easy, and marriage is a tricky business. In a world where divorce is rampant, there's no guarantee of success. But by familiarizing yourself with the keys of marital success – proven keys – you can improve your marriage and bolster your happiness.
Three Super Important Characteristics of a Healthy Marriage
1. Fidelity – If there is no fidelity there will be a lack of trust and the relationship will erode. Secrets and games abound in a marriage where fidelity has been breached. And the foundational friendship suffers. If the friendship is gone, what remains?
Sometimes infidelity will destroy a wonderful relationship. But it does not have to destroy the marriage, if both parties are motivated to heal their broken relationship. If you want the happiest marriage you can possibly have, you must be true to each other. You must have the best possible friendship you can have. A solid friendship is the foundation of your marriage.
No ifs, ands or buts about it.
2. Communication – Talking at each other, lecturing, sermonizing or threatening your spouse will only create more relationship problems. Real communication means real sharing.
Communication that works is all about give-and-take. You share your thoughts and ideas, you listen and you exercise great patience in listening more, always trying to understand what your spouse is saying, making him / her feel heard.
If one person dominates the conversation there will be problems! Communication is a two-way street. There is no room for selfishness. The focus has to be on the relationship, not one partner.
And get this, being a good listener is FAR more important than being a good talker. If you want your marriage to succeed, you must listen, listen, listen.
You must listen with the right aim in mind. . . listen to understand, not to win an argument! If you want to defeat your spouse in verbal tennis, you are not interested in having a great relationship. You just want to win. To be superior. To be right.
Being right will not keep you together or make you happy! It will not save your marriage, make your partner feel good or bring him / her closer to you. It really will not give you what you want, unless what you want is to act superior.
3. Top Priority – A healthy marriage takes top priority in the spouses' minds. It reduces relationship problems. It will help you to save your marriage in the long run. Work and family do not come first. The marriage is number one for both partners. All good things flow from it. Career success, raising healthy and happy children, and other possibilities flow from a healthy marriage, which strengthens and supports both spouses to succeed and be truly happy. A strong, healthy marriage turns into a true blessing to everyone you know. It is the basis for a happy, healthy family.
Many of the couples I've advised over the years have put their marriage on the back burner, for one reason or another, only to find that it slowly fell to the bottom of the list. Maybe they had to deal with an illness in the family, handle a child with emotional problems, or start a new career or business. . .
and they stopped giving their marriage the time and attention it needed to remain strong!
Sure, that is understandable, but here's the rub. . . if you put your marriage off, you may never get it back!
It's wiser to keep your marriage as a top priority, no matter what is happening in your life. If you're having a hard time, or facing a serious challenge, a strong marriage will help you to pull through and overcome.
Be creative and find ways to keep your relationship chugging along instead of setting aside. This is so important, I can not stress it enough: Make your marriage the top priority in your life.
Insight From The Other Side
Several years ago, I had a Near Death Experience (NDE) which helped me to see just how important marriage truly is. Most people do not realize how significant any of their relationships are. You may be able to save your marriage by opening your mind to the powerful insights generated from my NDE.
Neither did I realize just how utterly important my relationships were.
As I lay in my hospital bed, recovering from my frightening brush with death, I saw relationships in a new light. I saw true love in a brand spanking new light! Sometimes we are looking for true love when we already have it! We've just let it go and it's deteriorated to the point we no longer recognize it as such!
My dance with death gave me a realization about the dire importance of our marriages. I can tell you this with absolute certainty: How fortunate we are to have a life partner who loves us!
And how easily we forget what they mean to us, and used to mean. . . I stopped thinking of my relationships as flawed, stopped finding fault. I felt extremely blessed because of my relationships. And I saw with blazing clarity just how remarkable and wonderful all the people in my life were. I decided to give more to all my relationships, and to take them all more seriously.
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Take a little advice from me and start giving your marriage your everything. Begin to see the beauty in it and do not let any existing flaws talk you out of your love for your spouse, unless those flaws are truly unworkable or create an unsafe situation for you. Get inspired about your spouse again, and your marriage will soar to new heights. Remember what death taught me about relationships. Our relationships are special and sacred. it is up to us to do our best by them.
People are too quick to throw relationships away, or to hurt the people they love. My NDE taught me to never willingly hurt another person again!
As I lie on my hospital bed, my arms and legs tethered to machines and hoses and IVs, and I looked into the eyes of my beloved friends and family members, I realized just how we are all inter-connected – connected in invisible ways ! I felt a sense of incredible true love with everyone in the room. I realized I loved them much more than I had ever realized!
Relationships constitute our true riches.
Our true wealth! And I learned to make changes in myself, instead of expecting other people in my life to change. I wanted to be better. I wanted to tackle my deepest flaws as a person so I could be a better relationship partner. What a tremendous difference it has made in my life!
The Nuts and Bolts
Be true to your partner and put your marriage first, communicate like crazy, stop to reflect on the incredible value of your relationships, make changes in yourself first, and you'll soon be on your way to making your marriage the best it can be .