So many women tell me they think that guys are inherently terrified of being with just one person.
The only reason that men may initially seem reluctant to settle down is because they imagine that they are going to lose part of their freedom; that they will have no chance to be sexually adventurous, and that they are going to miss out on their single-life. The great news for women reading this is that with just a little understanding about men in relationships, these feelings are entirely within your control.
The psychology of men in relationships starts a long time before ever actually make a commitment.
– Men value freedom
The reason that appearing needy and desperate scares of a guy, prior to being in a relationship is because it leads him to imagine that he'll have even less freedom if he ever were to commit.
As well as feeling trapped by the thought of a relationship, a woman's desperation leads a guy to think that anyone else could have been in their place. This is why men are completely turned off by desperate women. Men want to feel that they are the only man who could ever earn a place in your life.
– This does not mean that you should 'Play hard to get! "
Any chase is doomed to fail.
Playing hard to get is only an illusion of independence, which quickly vanishes after the 'chase' is over. My problem with women playing hard-to-get is that it only teaches women to pretend to be an independent, interesting and confident woman on a surface level, rather truly being one.
–So Matt, what do we do to get our men into relationships?
Laying the right foundations for a relationship from the very beginning makes for a much happier, healthier relationship. Follow this advice and you'll have a guy dying to be with you in no time.
1) Spend time apart …
Now this may seem surprising at first. After all if you want to build a deeper connection with a guy, should not you be spending as much time together as possible? Wrong!
It is important to keep that fire between you once things are getting more and more serious.
This is not to say that your man is going to get bored of you if he sees you too much. But having you around for every waking hour of a day will result in him not appreciating you as much as he should.
Your time is precious and he needs to know this. Again, this is different from making him chase! This is just giving a guy time to reflect; to think and to appreciate the things he really loves about you.
Having that feeling of missing each other will keep that spark of excitement in the relationship.
2) Show him how enticing a relationship is …
Before a guy weights up his potential options; a relationship with you vs. the typical 'bachelor lifestyle', there are many things you can do to swing things in your favour.
Firstly, understand that the typical 'bachelor lifestyle' is not all it's cracked up to be. Guys run away with this fantasy of how amazing being single is from films such as American Pie and TV shows like Entourage. Many women surrender to letting guys run off thinking that they can not offer a guy what he really wants. When actually, the reality of what you're up against is not such strong competition.
I know so many single guys who HATE being single, and can not wait for the right girl to come along. It's just rare for guys to admit it because they've been conditioned by society to think that the most exciting path to go down is the American Pie lifestyle.
If you can show a guy that life will only get more and more fun, the more and more he commits, then the idea of a relationship will only excite him.
3) Do not push for it …
Always remember this is not a logical thought-process; it's an emotional one.
There should be a nuanced transition from casually dating to a relationship. If you're relaxed and seem like you're just having fun together; enjoying each others company, then he'll see it that way as well.
If on the other hand, you make commitment into a big deal and make it sound dramatic and life altering, then he'll build it up in his own mind and turn it into a huge decision.