Rejection and betrayal are all too common themes in the dating scene. But what do many men and women do when someone breaks up with them? They obsess, beg, pester, hang onto painful feelings of loss or hang onto hope of getting him / her back, but mostly they blame the other person for whatever.
But what if I told you, you attracted and created that reality? Yes, you sought out that man / woman from zillions knowing full-well how it will end! Sounds really wacko, huh?
Let's say you're a woman, who on the outside appears confident and fulfilled – a woman who truly has it all. You meet this guy who seems to have the quite strength and cool demeanor you dig so much. The relationship starts so beautifully, then one day, he "forgets" to call when he said he'd call. You panic and go into a tailspin of anxiety. And when you finally get him on the phone he says in his cool confidence "I do not really feel like talking tonight". That sends your anxiety level off on top of the roof. Now you are thinking, may be he's lost interest in me, may be he found someone else, may be he wants to leave me. You get so anxious that you think you'll go crazy – and you may even start acting crazy.
He, on the other hand is acting cool and unruffled. What once looked like quite strength and cool demeanor now feels cold, aloof, distant and uncaring. This makes you angry enough to say things that belittle him, then turn around and apologize and beg, then you try to "talk sense into him" and plead and so forth. But what you feared will happen does actually happen, he leaves you!
But here is the interesting thing: this is not the first time it's happened to you .. You've been here before, so many times actually – different circumstances and different people but the same old tired story.
There is a reason why you fall in love with people who are unavailable or incapable of making a commitment, why you are hopelessly infatuated with someone who can not love you back the way you deserve, why you end up with irresponsible and unreliable people who drive you crazy.
The people we chose to bond with are not a random choice but a true mirror of our sub-conscious state at any given time in our lives. When you feel lonely, rejected, unaccepted, unappreciated or insecure because you feel not good enough you'll tend to seek a partner who reflects that back to you.
While what you want more than anything is to be loved and accepted, a part of you (which has experienced this before) does not really believe that you will get what you want. This translates into an actual feeling of desperation which invokes the emotion of fear. The fear motivates your behaviour.
This behaviour may be avoiding rejections all together, starting a relationship and getting our quickly before you are rejected, or getting into one and acting in ways that drive the other person away. Sometimes you do not even have to act it out, the vibration (FEAR) you send out (which is more powerful than any words or actions) is received by the other person at a sub conscious level. It only takes a small thing (real or imagined) to trigger your fear and start the behaviour. In the example above the trigger was "him not calling". In your panic to cling and stop the rejection and abandonment you actually create what you fear will happen.
Until you work though your fear of rejection and abandonment you will continue to attract people who reject and abandon you over and over. You will continue to be drawn to men and women who are not attracted to you, those who are incapable of love or commitment or who have no time for you. You will also be drawn to people who live in another town or country (long-distance relationships), people who are married or seriously involved with someone else.
So next time the relationship ends the same way, do not act surprised, hurt and betrayed. You committed yourself to an unsustainable liaison knowing full-well how it will end!