Almost everyone has either known one or been the victim of abusive people, however, the types of abuse and the people who dole it out are not so easy to spot. There are different types of abuse in relationships; physical, emotional, financial and being manipulated through diversion and disruptive behaviors.
A publication by, Dr. Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., psychologist describes abusers quite well. "Who are these People?" In romantic relationships they are controlling, abusive, manipulative partners who can ruin not only the relationship, but our self-esteem, finances, and reputation. "
Dr. Carver categorizes abusers into three categories, each containing a set of disorders, this he calls "Personality Disorder" The highest number of relationship destroyers is contained in four disorders he calls "Cluster B". These disorders are Antisocial Personality, Borderline Personality, Histrionic Personality and Narcissistic Personality.
Antisocial Personality: a pervasive pattern of disregard for the rights of others and rules of society. They are chronically irresponsible, unsupportive, con-artist and have no regard for the rights of others. Have problems with law enforcement, lie, physically assault others and usually have no remorse for their acts.
Borderline Personality: a pattern of intense but unstable relationships, lack of impulse control, fear of abandonment and unstable self-image. They may also seek attention with threats or attempts of self-injury or suicide, inappropriate intense anger and fleeting paranoia.
Histrionic Personality: a pattern of excessive emotional display and attention seeking, they are sometimes called Drama Queens and are often sexually seductive and highly manipulative in relationships.
Narcissistic Personality: a pervasive preoccupation with admiration, entitlement and egoism. They exaggerate their accomplishments, have a sense of entitlement, and lack empathy or concern for others. They feel entitled to special attention, privileges, and consideration in social settings and feel entitled to punish those who do not provide their required respect, admiration, or attention.
If one is going to date or is already in a relationship, it would be wise to look for certain signs in the other that would clue them in as to who the other person may be without the frills and pretension involved in the courting process. Here are a few things to look for:
· Do they blame someone else for their lack of achievement at work, or it was someone else's fault they got a ticket?
· Do they talk very loud, more so than when they are alone with you, in public places or on their cell phone in public? Do they criticize you in public to make you feel incompetent or embarrassed?
· Are they rude to the waitress or other staff members in restaurants, or rude to other drivers? Do they demand immediate service and / or special treatment either in restaurants or other social settings?
· Do they throw trash out of their vehicle window and consider it someone else's problem?
· Did they propose marriage in a short period of time or suggest that you move in together?
· Do they call excessively or verbalize their love much too often and expect the same from you?
· Has the other ever pushed, hit or yelled at you, or broken your personal belonging to get even in anger?
· Do they use alcohol in excess, or use drugs (illegal, mind altering or mood enhancing type).
If the answer is yes to the any of the above statements, then my criteria to look at is: If any of the above creates problems with law enforcement, with the work place, any social setting or a problem in the home, then one may have an abuser, user or loser on their hands.
These are just a few symptoms of a bad relationship that one needs to look at before trying to stick it out, either going into a relationship, or if in one, staying there. These decisions can become life altering ones that can prove devastating and rob one of the freedom and satisfaction of a life of happiness.