“Can we still be friends?”
Sounds sweet, doesn’t it? The truth of the matter though, is that you’re about to schooled by one of the oldest lines in the history of breaking up. Your ex is effectively saying “I like you, but not enough to continue dating you.” At least not right now.
When your ex offers to be friends with you, she’s dangling a carrot. If she’s the one who ended things, she knows you still love her. Instead of letting you go, she’s stringing you along for her own selfish reasons. Being friends with you is the perfect way of breaking up s-l-o-w-l-y, so she doesn’t have to feel any pain. Your ex gets to see you, talk to you, email and text you – perhaps even still hang out with you. She gets all the social and emotional benefits of having you around, but without any of the drawbacks associated with a full commitment.
You on the other hand, get to pretend that you’re happy with such an arrangement. Right now you’re afraid to tell her otherwise, for fear of losing her. So you sit gladly by, “being there” for her, maybe even watching as your ex starts dating other guys. Every time you watch her kiss a new boyfriend, your stomach lurches… but there’s not much you can do. Why? Because you’ve pulled up a front row seat in the dreaded Friend Zone.
Understand something. If your ex offers friendship after a break up, she’s not over your relationship yet. You can use this knowledge to quickly draw her back, before she moves on with someone else.
So how do you get your ex girlfriend back? By not playing the nice little friendship role she created for you. Instead, refuse your ex girlfriend’s offer of friendship when she gives it… or if you’ve already accepted it, you can throw it away right now. Tell her something like:
“Look, I can’t be friends with you. I love you too much. If you and I can’t date, we can’t be buddies either. Sorry, but it has to be this way”.
Give her one last hug, and then slowly walk away. Disappear for a while. Don’t make any ex girlfriend contact, including phone calls, emails, or any of that stuff. Don’t even update your Facebook page – you want to remain a complete, silent mystery to your ex… at least for a while. Make her have to face the break up all on her own, without you holding her hand through it.
Here’s where your ex needs to make a choice – either she goes out with you, or she loses you completely. You’ve let her know you’re not going to settle for half a relationship, and she’ll actually respect you for it. While she’s debating whether or not she needs you in her life, she’ll also be worried as to what you’re doing. Are you with someone? Are you moving on without her? This kind of thinking will hasten her decision, which is why not knowing anything about where you are right now is so important.
If your ex loves you at all, she’ll quickly miss you. Once you’ve got that, getting your ex back becomes easy. There are ways of re-establishing a connection with your girlfriend that will lead back to romance. But never settle for friendship… not when you’re looking for something entirely different.